Choosing a lawyer to guide you through your divorce, regardless of its nature, is a critical decision. Despite what people may say, choosing a “shark” or an aggressive lawyer may not benefit you or your family. It’s important to meet with several lawyers, ask questions, and take time to reflect before making your choice. Look for a team player, someone who prioritizes your children’s well-being and strives for the best outcomes for your family. 
 

Regardless of the type of divorce you are in, you need a lawyer and mediation. Both you and your spouse should have a consulting attorney – a lawyer who reviews your settlement agreement before you sign.A mediator is a neutral party who can guide you through the law and help you reach amicable decisions; however, they cannot provide legal advice as their job demands they remain impartial.

I often tell clients a judge is a stranger – someone you would not normally involve in important, intimate family decisions, especially those involving your children. The best individuals  to make these decisions are you and your spouse, with the guidance of seasoned professionals. By staying out of court, YOU remain in control and can craft a divorce settlement – including a tailored  parenting plan that suits your family’s unique needs.. Even in a contentious situation, it’s still possible to avoid court and retain that control.

Divorce mediation is a process facilitated by a neutral party who helps spouses reach a settlement agreement. Mediators, who may or may not be lawyers, arespecially trained to assist spouses with everything from finances to crafting a parenting plan.  In some cases, financial and mental health professionals are brought in to assist the process. It is  advised that each party consult with a separate attorney to review and advise on the settlement agreement prior to signing a settlement agreement.

My mentor Christina McGhee, author of the book  Parenting Apart, wisely says that children should be kept at the center, not at the middle, of the divorce. By prioritizing and honoring our children’s needs, we do the best we can for them. While we cannot take the pain and sadness they may experience away from them, we can support them through it. Seeking support as parents also enables us to show up for our children, even when our own emotions are overwhelming.

Parents do not have to navigate this path alone.. As families restructure, it is critical to seek guidance to navigate through challenging situations, especially when parents disagree on their approach to handling tough issues. A neutral party, such as a therapist who specializes in co-parenting and divorce, or a co-parenting specialist, can offer critical help during these uncertain times.

You can ask your divorce coach anything related to your situation! Your coach is there to help you take action and make progress. You should feel comfortable to bring up any questions or thoughts.. However, coaches maintain professional boundaries and may not share personal details about their own lives. A good coach will communicate these boundaries to you.

Hiring a coach offers many benefits but one of the most important ones is that they help you navigate your divorce more quickly and efficiently. A coach guides you through the hurdles, helps you stay clear-headed, and supports you in your decision-making process. While your lawyer handles the legal aspects, a coach assists with the day-to-day challenges, helping you overcome difficult moments and turn tough situations to your advantage.

If you are seeking a supported form of alternative dispute resolution, want to stay out of court, and wish to craft a separation agreement that is tailored to your family, then a collaborative divorce may be the right choice. Collaborative divorce is a team-based approach to divorce that avoids the courtroom entirely, with each party represented by a lawyer and supported by neutral professionals –, a financial specialist and a mental health neutral.

All participants sign a participation agreement and work together. This process not only fosters a less contentious divorce but also helps establish a more peaceful relationship moving forward. To read more about collaborative practice, you can click here.

Coaching is an action-based process that helps individuals move forward when they’re stuck and need to make critical decisions. It aids in reframing  situations, creating  a plan, and achieving results. Therapy, on the other hand, is a process facilitated by a licensed mental health professional who focuses on working through emotions, past patterns, traumas to achieve a healthier emotional well-being. Many people find value in working with both a therapist and a coach before, during, and after a divorce.

You can ask your lawyer to include your co-parenting specialist/coach in meetings related to the parenting plan or any other issues impacting your  child(ren) or co-parenting.

Depending on the type of divorce you are in, (Mediation/ Collaborative Divorce/ Litigation), the role and timing of this professional will vary. Voicing to your lawyer that you would like to bring in support for certain parts is your choice. Ideally, you should work with a lawyer who supports this approach. It is my duty to assist my clients in managing these communications.